Recently I broke up with someone who I felt very close to. I was quite invested in the relationship and upon the loss I felt tears of true sadness, tears of loss comparable to loosing someone in my family. In most societies tears are not well accepted for men to have and has a stigma of weakness. Often women think that this is inappropriate. I think there needs to be a revolution of genuine people and not cookie cutter images of perfection. Being comfortable in your skin takes far more strength than hiding it.
I am extremely confident and comfortable with my own self image. I was shy years back in high school and very introverted. I had this expectation that everyone had to like me. I needed people to accept me. After experiencing my first bad break up in my first years of college I began to get down. I became depressed and slept all the time between classes. I internalized everything. It was becoming hard to function. There happened to be a psychologist in the tutoring center to help students talk about their academics. When she asked me how I was doing something in me decided to open up. It was the best thing I ever did. What is open and talking about your thoughts and emotions is healing? This goes against what men are suppose to do. I then proceeded to talk to others about my situation. Within a month I was totally back to normal. Which lead me to find breakdancing back in 99′.
I began to not care what people thought about me. I really fell in love with it. I trained over and over again for years. It began to rip apart that shyness that had held me back for years. I will admit there are times where it still hangs around, but for the most part it got replaced with “confidence”.
Now recently I ran into the channel START HERE on YouTube, which is blogged by TIM VANORDEN. (www.runningraw.com). He has been suffering from depression and has managed to reach incredible athletic feats. He started to become more open about his emotions. He often was ridiculed by many for doing so, but he persisted. He began to find comfort in what he was doing. In my view, this was not a weakness, but incredible strength. Who is that confident that they can be that open and not really care about judgement.
Which lead me to research why are men not open. Why do they refuse to cry and how it can affect their health. So this article pretty much summarizes it well. I think it is important to understand that your body needs to release tears as a healthy defense mechanism. It is unhealthful to not express emotion and suppress it just like when your body sweats it releases toxins from the body and perspiration to cool down the body.
So the lesson to take away is just like eating fast food is the norm, it does not make it healthful. True emotion expressed under reasonable circumstances is quite healthful and shame should not transpire, male or female.
What I learned long ago was to stop caring what others think and say. Be you with confidence.